If there was one edible signifier of the joy of my youth, it would be the Jell-o Pudding Pop. Essentially just frozen pudding, there was a magical quality to their shake and shimmy. If you had a Jell-o Pudding Pop at your disposal, you were the king. Your peers trembled, in awe of your royal scepter of chocolaty delight. In the lunchroom, a Pudding Pop was worth at least three peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. On the playground, it was an instant ticket out of being "it" in games of tag.
All this, and they were delicious, too. Though long discontinued by the Jell-o brand, they were briefly brought back in 2004 under the Popsicle name. This re-brand, however, was short lived, and nowadays, the frozen treat is relegated to memories of long childhood summers. I couldn't even find an off-brand version. This is all kinds of wrong. Where are children going to get their chocolaty frozen pop fix anymore? How are they gonna know who Bill Cosby is? Do you expect them to eat fudge pops? A POOR IMITATION, AND I WILL SMACK YOU IF YOU MENTION THEM AGAIN.
These questions, as well as a somewhat misguided need to re-examine my own childhood, brought me to the most logical conclusion. Namely, hey, pudding pops can't be that hard to make. So, to the internet I went, in search of a recipe that would unlock my childhood, something that would let me re-experience a sliver of that time. Surprisingly, it's god damn simple.
With that knowledge, and all the ingredients, I was off to work.
Powdered pudding mix looks like cocaine and burnt cocaine.
Just make the pudding according to the box. Two cups of cold milk to the pudding powder, yadda yadda. The instructions stress COLD MILK. I'm assuming that because...have you ever drank warm milk? Shit's gross, son.
Barring any major screw ups, your final product should look like this. The chocolate is a little chunky in this one, because I'm severely incapable of doing the simplest tasks.
Once you're done with that, dole out even amounts into the paper cups. The six on the left are all vanilla, the six on the right are all chocolate, and the three in the middle are half and half, chocolate on top of vanilla. I know real dual flavor pudding pops are swirled and not stacked, but give me a break. I made these at like one in the morning.
After that, just freeze for forever and enjoy!
Just as I remember them. The shape may be off, but the experience is all there, baby. I've read a few recipes that call for Cool Whip mixed in with the pudding, but I can't see what that would be used for. Probably just a cutting agent to stretch the pudding mixture. I can't see any other reason for it; these are the real deal, and I can guarantee this wont be the last time I enjoy this tasty summer snack.
Sadly, there seems to be no foreseeable return of the original Jell-o Pudding Pop. Possibly emailing Popsicle will help. If they see enough of us want our tasty frozen chocolate sludge, they may just oblige. Hell, it's worked with Pepsi, which may possibly be part of my next food review...