Halloweener #9 - Halloween Themed Snacks!

 There's a real lack of Halloween themed snacks on the market. Sure, there's various fun-sized candy collections, but I mean real, themed snacks. Of the few I was actually able to find, most have a slight-at-best grasp on the holiday. In my desperation to have a Halloween-themed snacks article, I picked up what I could scavenge from barren store shelves. So, without further dragging on of an intro paragraph I'm obviously struggling to write, let's get into it.

First up, we have Fun Sweets Halloween Cotton Candy. Now, I've never been a huge fan of the stuff. I don't really see the enjoyment of eating something with the same consistency of fiberglass insulation. The bucket claims the sweet to be "Classic Flavor", but they seem to have taken great liberties with that. It has a very prominent banana flavor, and I just can't get behind banana flavored candies. It's just against my priciples. Nonetheless, it comes in a cool pumpkin bucket, which can double in a pinch as a jack-o-lantern for the incredibly lazy.

Next we have Little Debbie Pumpkin Delights. These are neat. The packaging opts for a fall theme rather than a Halloween one, but the cookies themselves scream All Hallows Eve. Now, I'm a big fan of pumpkin. No pumpkin pie is safe from my grasp, and I practically live on pumpkin spice lattes this time of year. These cakes are no different. The pumpkin flavor is prominent and delicious. If that's not your thing, steer clear of these, but for all pumpkin fanatics out there, eat these while you can. Or don't, cause I want to.

Here we have Pumpkin Patch Orange Pop Rocks. These have no real connection to Halloween besides the packaging. They're just orange and green Pop Rocks. Perhaps that's underselling it, cause they're still fuggin Pop Rocks, and Pop Rocks are always awesome. Honestly, these were just a bonus for me, as I was fully prepared to write this article without them. But I'll take any excuse to eat Pop Rocks, and writing about them is just icing on the sugar-laden cake.

Lastly, we have Bat Dots. These are the realest of the dealest. Dots have always been the crown glory of gumdrops, and a Halloween branding just endears them more to me. Jet black candy, and it's blood orange flavor. BLOOD orange. That takes it a step further. I mean, they could have made a black licorice candy and left it at that, but they took it to the next level with the only flavor with the word blood in the name. It gives me shivers just thinking about it, but I think that's just my blood sugar from eating all these candies.

BONUS! HALLOWEEN LIGHTS!

I finally got some Halloween lights! If you know me, you know I've wanted some of these for a while, but never wanted to pay the exorbitant prices every store seemed to want for them. While tooling around in Rite Aid for no reason in particular today, I found some that weren't prohibitively expensive!

Here we have orange.

And here we have purple.

I assure you, these look much better in real life. I would have loved to leave them in permanently, especially the purple one, but after about five minutes of being on, the orange bulb started stinking. And then it started smoking. Not wanting a fire on my hands, I turned it off, removed the bulb, and am currently cowering in fear from these demon lights. I suppose you get what you pay for, especially when it comes to on-UL Certified light bulbs.

Halloweener #5 - Boo Berry and Frankenberry Fruit Roll-Ups!

For the past few years now, any cereal fan has been privy to a certain fact: Every year, General Mills will bring back their monster themed breakfast foods. Count Chocula is the year-round regular, but every Halloween, the cereal giant puts two of their best loved monsters back in production. I'm talking, of course, about Boo Berry and Frankenberry. Now, everyone has their favorites among these (Go Boo Berry! Whoo whoo whoo!), but the fact that they brought them back speaks volumes about their shared fandom. This is also evident in the fact that the characters are branching out into other media, and now, other food.

Introduced last year (I think, I can't be bothered to check), Boo Berry and Frankenberry versions of Betty Crocker's Fruit Roll-Ups hit store shelves. Their boxes don't reveal much about them, as they look nearly identical to the cereal boxes, save for the Fruit Roll-Ups logo and a batch of the rolls themselves in the corner. I noticed that there are nutrition facts on the front of the box, trumpeting the fact that they're full of vitamin C. This is obviously to make parents feel better that they're giving their children what amounts to flavored strips of vinyl. Tasty, but plastic.

One of the first things I noticed about the candy is the lack of cut-out shapes. Pull-out shapes where one of the main selling points when I was a kid, and I'd love to have a candy Boo Berry cut out to stick on my window and forget about, letting it bake to the glass in the sun. Instead, we're presented with retro designs of the titular characters printed in some kind of edible ink. Interesting, and the original depictions are a nice touch, but next year, go with the cut-outs, Betty.

As for taste, we're presented with two different sides of the spectrum. The Frankenberry's strawberry flavor is delicious, like little slices off heaven's vinyl car seats. That's a good thing, I promise you. It tastes and smells not unlike the frosted coating on Pocky, and had this been wrapped around a breadstick, I may not have been able to tell the difference. Okay, I probably would, but give me a break. It's good.

Boo Berry is another story. While still very good (BERRY good hahahahaha), it's more of a blue raspberry flavor than a straight up blueberry. This, of course, eschews the traditional Boo Berry flavor. This may be for the best, as I can't remember the last time I ate a blueberry candy that didn't taste like dishsoap. This is tasty, though I'll have to give the crown to Frankenberry.

No I don't. It's my damn blog. BOO BERRY WINS!

As a fan of these cereals from way back, I can't tell you how happy I am that they're back in production. These candies are a neat and unexpected bonus. I highly recommend them both. Go get 'em before they're gone!

By the way, I've got about 22 Fruit Roll-Ups I don't need. Want one?

7up Retro review

There has been a recent resurgence in "retro" sodas. That is to say, sodas that are made with real sugar, rather than high-fructose corn syrup. Starting with Pepsi and Mountain Dew, the movement has found it's way into Dr Pepper, among others. Even Coke threw their hat into the ring, albeit with the imported Mexican Coke (ooh, imported!).

Now, 7up is getting into the game with 7up Retro. I, being the consummate consumer, had to try it. Seeing it on the store shelves, it was calling to me. "Drop five bucks on me" it said, knowing full well that I would. I grabbed my bounty and made a beeline to the checkouts. Fuck monetary responsibilities, I had tasty sugar water to buy.



As you can see, I had to buy a regular 7up to compare it to. As a side note, have you seen the new bottle design for 7up? It's very curvy, almost feminine. I like it. It's different, and not something we usually see in the pop aisle. hopefully it'll stick around.

Hopefully, you'll also notice that 7up Retro's packaging is decidedly un-retro. Seeing Pepsi's strong vintage look with their real sugar sodas, you'd think 7up would kinda go with the flow. I'm positive 7up has never had tiger stripes on its can. Or Donald Trump.



So we're ready for the taste-off. 7up Retro on the left, represented by Gumby. 7up Current on the right, represented by the Evangelion. Lets see what our boys have to offer.



First up is the Retro variety. It's a very transparent flavor, recalling more limes than lemons, and more sugar than either. The sweet taste is definitely at the forefront of this drink. Still, it's good, if overly sweet.



The contemporary 7up has a thicker feel to it, almost syrupy. The emphasis seems to be on lemons, though I don't know if this is intentional, or just because I drank it after the Retro version. There's a pronounced chemical aftertaste that doesn't sit well with me.

After weighing the two formulas, I have to call 7up Retro as the winner!



7up Retro seems destined to be a limited edition. A week after I bought my first case, it seems increasingly hard to find another. Maybe that's for the best with these kind of sodas. When a food is taken away from us, we seem to lust after it more. Grab a case of these for yourself before they're gone!

I miss Jell-o Pudding Pops

If there was one edible signifier of the joy of my youth, it would be the Jell-o Pudding Pop. Essentially just frozen pudding, there was a magical quality to their shake and shimmy. If you had a Jell-o Pudding Pop at your disposal, you were the king. Your peers trembled, in awe of your royal scepter of chocolaty delight. In the lunchroom, a Pudding Pop was worth at least three peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. On the playground, it was an instant ticket out of being "it" in games of tag.

My obsession borders on insanity.

All this, and they were delicious, too. Though long discontinued by the Jell-o brand, they were briefly brought back in 2004 under the Popsicle name. This re-brand, however, was short lived, and nowadays, the frozen treat is relegated to memories of long childhood summers. I couldn't even find an off-brand version. This is all kinds of wrong. Where are children going to get their chocolaty frozen pop fix anymore? How are they gonna know who Bill Cosby is? Do you expect them to eat fudge pops? A POOR IMITATION, AND I WILL SMACK YOU IF YOU MENTION THEM AGAIN.

Poor, sweet Billy. So forgotten.

These questions, as well as a somewhat misguided need to re-examine my own childhood, brought me to the most logical conclusion. Namely, hey, pudding pops can't be that hard to make. So, to the internet I went, in search of a recipe that would unlock my childhood, something that would let me re-experience a sliver of that time. Surprisingly, it's god damn simple.





With that knowledge, and all the ingredients, I was off to work.



Powdered pudding mix looks like cocaine and burnt cocaine.



Just make the pudding according to the box. Two cups of cold milk to the pudding powder, yadda yadda. The instructions stress COLD MILK. I'm assuming that because...have you ever drank warm milk? Shit's gross, son.



Barring any major screw ups, your final product should look like this. The chocolate is a little chunky in this one, because I'm severely incapable of doing the simplest tasks.



Once you're done with that, dole out even amounts into the paper cups. The six on the left are all vanilla, the six on the right are all chocolate, and the three in the middle are half and half, chocolate on top of vanilla. I know real dual flavor pudding pops are swirled and not stacked, but give me a break. I made these at like one in the morning.

After that, just freeze for forever and enjoy!



Just as I remember them. The shape may be off, but the experience is all there, baby. I've read a few recipes that call for Cool Whip mixed in with the pudding, but I can't see what that would be used for. Probably just a cutting agent to stretch the pudding mixture. I can't see any other reason for it; these are the real deal, and I can guarantee this wont be the last time I enjoy this tasty summer snack.

Sadly, there seems to be no foreseeable return of the original Jell-o Pudding Pop. Possibly emailing Popsicle will help. If they see enough of us want our tasty frozen chocolate sludge, they may just oblige. Hell, it's worked with Pepsi, which may possibly be part of my next food review...