Halloweener #10 - Creepy Candles!

 Oh man. Oh man oh man. I've been waiting to write about this one. I met Creepy Candles in an almost serendipitous moment in the Dollar Store. I very nearly passed them up entirely, as whoever stocked them placed them way in the back of the store, apart from the Halloween stuff. I just so happened to have stumbled back there in a daze, and fell in love with these wonderful candles. Join me in my admiration, won't you?

First, we have Fat Cryptkeeper. His sinister one-eyed stare, evil grin, and wringing hands are absolutely perfect. He looks like the butler in Hell's most prominent mansion. The level of detail on these candles is really top-notch. They really don't seem like the typical dollar-store shelf-fillers.

Next we have Lord Elwyn, Master of His Domain. In case you're wondering, no, these aren't they're official names. Yes, I am making them up, but I'm COMMITTING to them. Lord Elwin is the owner of the mansion in Hell where Fat Cryptkeeper is the butler. Anyway.

These candles don't appear to be based on any pre-existing characters, but they feel like they could be. Fat Cryptkeeper looks like a fat version of the Cryptkeeper from Tales from the Crypt. Lord Elwin looks kind of like Frankenstein's  monster, but a more gentlemanly version, I guess.

Last up is Pumkinhead And Also Pumpkinfeet. This one is the only Creepy Candle that required assembly. When I took him out of the box, I was surprised to find that his arms weren't actually attached to the body. They actually had little pegs I was supposed to affix to holes in his torso. The only problem was the holes were filled with wax. I tried to break it out, but ended up breaking parts off the body. So, rather than accept defeat, I melted them mo'fukkas in. It may be because I had to put so much work into him, but I think Pumpkinhead/feet is my favorite.

Upon closer inspection of the package, it appears there are six different candles to get. I'm pretty sure I got the only kinds the dollar store had, but I could be wrong. Nonetheless, I will be taking another pilgrimage there. I have to get my hands on the Dracula and Wizard candles. The witch I could do without. I'm not a fan of them.

So, there we have it, all the candles lit. I immediately blew them out after I took this picture, because I love these too much to ever let them melt. Oh no, they will be centerpieces of my Halloween decor for years to come. Hell, they look so cool, I may just leave them up all year. I don't have to explain anything. I you don't like it, you can get the hell out.

BONUS! THE WORST HALLOWEEN MOOD DVD EVER!

So, I bought this DVD with every intention of reviewing it, but it turns out that it's the worst DVD in the history of DVDs. I literally could not find anything interesting about it, and I wrote an article about coloring on wood. The whole of the DVD is a loop of "scary music", lightning bolts, and a skeleton hand writing scary messages in the "fog" that appears on your screen. This is the Halloween version of what kids do on long car rides.

 I didn't really want to have spent the money on this and taken all the pictures and screenshots and not get anything out of it, so I'll just put this bitchfest here at the end of a proper article. If I ran the type of website that gave review scores, I'd give the Creepy Candles eleven haunted pumpkins, and this shitty DVD negative three rattlin' skeletons.